The Weight of 'I'm Sorry'

 Before I go straight to what I have to talk about today, I’d like to share a story with you.

I had this buddy in secondary school. He was my senior in every sense of the word: age-wise, class-wise, and knowledge-wise, so I respected him like I would any senior. One day, while we were studying together, he asked me to stop calling his name with any title, just plain ‘Paul’.

It didn’t sit well with me, so I asked again to be sure I heard him right, and he confirmed it. The African child in me, specifically the Nigerian child, couldn’t come to terms with that because we treat respect for elders as a big deal, even if it’s just a one-year gap. And here I was, before a senior, asking me not to call him ‘Senior’ or ‘Uncle’. It sounded weird.

I tried calling the name without any title, and it felt so awkward. I felt this heaviness in my mouth whenever I tried to pronounce just the name. Mind you, that’s also my dad’s name, so you get the awkward feeling, right? As if I were calling my dad…

That is the exact same awkwardness some people feel whenever they’re in a situation that requires them to say, ‘I’m sorry’. Just kill them. It feels so heavy in their mouths. Some will even go as far as buying gifts or giving money to the person they’ve offended, just to avoid saying, ‘Sorry’.

It’s like, instead of telling you ‘I’m sorry’,  they go, take this hair unit, take this bundle of money, let’s go out for dinner… bla bla bla…

Listen! Saying ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t strip you of your masculinity. It doesn’t make you a simp or a weakling. When you’re wrong, own up to it and fix it. It shows that you’re mature enough to be called a man.

Buying gifts as a cover-up won’t solve the problem, as issues will continue to pile up. And one day, one very fine day, it’ll all overflow, and what you’ll get in return is someone being ‘ungrateful’… after all you did… But the truth is, you never fixed the issue; you only covered it up with gifts.

So, is it wrong to apologise with a gift? No. Not at all. My point is: your gifts shouldn’t replace your remorse. They can accompany it, but they shouldn’t take the place of the words, ‘I’m sorry’.

And remember, this post is not just for men. It’s for everyone.

Saying ‘I’m sorry’ or showing remorse doesn’t strip you of your glory. It doesn’t make you less of yourself. It doesn’t alter your worth.

As simple as the phrase ‘I’m sorry’ is, it can heal wounds. It can mend hearts. As harmless as those words are, they turn away wrath, reflect maturity, show responsibility, and, most importantly, quench the furnace of anger.

If you’re someone who feels awkward saying ‘I’m sorry’ when you’re wrong, learn it. Practice it. It will become a part of you.

I hope this finds you well.

📷Steve DiMatteo

✍The Expression Voice

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